Do you struggle with boredom or emptiness? Do you frequently busy yourself to avoid being alone with your thoughts? These can be sneaky signs of loneliness which, left unchecked, can wreak havoc on all aspects of your health and well-being, finances, and relationships. 😥
Join me as I explore why our efforts to avoid loneliness often backfire and what we can do to genuinely connect with ourselves and others. Through my own experiences and hard-earned lessons, I’ll share how to break free from the cycle of loneliness and find true fulfillment. 🌟
There are many things you can do to feel better, like schedule more activities with people, travel, read, play games on your phone, get a new job, volunteer, etc. The options for connecting with people, engaging in meaningful activities, and having fun are endless. 💃🚴 I'm sure you could come up with many more ideas!
But then, why are we in a loneliness epidemic? Why is it that, in a time with more options for connection than ever before, we are lonelier than ever? Why do so many people feel deeply lonely and go straight to the TV once they get back home from time with family or friends?
Friend, can you relate? 🙋 Millions of people can too, and I used to as well. Many times our seemingly good and healthy activities can masquerade as distractions and don’t improve our long-term emotional well-being at all.
When you engage in activities to avoid feeling lonely, you’ll find yourself on a hamster wheel of discontentment. 🐹
It’s not so much about what you’re doing but what your behavior is motivated by. Are you consciously or unconsciously motivated by the avoidance of pain? Are you trying to get away from your suffering? 🤔
Or is your behavior driven by what truly matters most to you? Is it a natural outgrowth of meaning and purpose? Are you pursuing connection because of something important to you?The first time I got married (at age 22), I did it because I didn’t want to feel left out among my friends and family who were getting married; I wanted to feel special and included. I didn’t want to be alone and I desperately wanted to feel like I belonged. I wanted to stop feeling lonely.
Well, news flash, the marriage didn’t result in feeling any sense of belonging, connection, or inclusion. And it certainly didn’t resolve my loneliness. It only made matters worse. 😣
It’s so easy to get this mixed up. You have countless messages in your face everyday trying to convince you that some new solution will solve all of your problems and finally get you the peace you’re seeking.
How about that weed control for your yard? Those people in the commercials look pretty relieved once those nasty weeds are gone. Whew! Thank goodness! Now they can go on living with all of their problems solved forever and ever. 😆
I mean, right?! This is what we see everyday. One.more.thing. that’s going to be the be-all-end-all of our problems. Gosh, I wish it were the case. Don’t you? I wish all of the fancy leather purses, the perfect gym body, the name brands, the people-pleasing… all of it… I, too, wish all of it could be the solution. It would be so easy! But it never is. 😪
Eventually the hamster wheel comes to a stop and you have to face the music.
I finally got off my hamster wheel after the devastation of my second divorce. I slowly stopped chasing after more relationships to distract from my pain and loneliness. I stopped looking to substances to mask my lack of belonging, and I curtailed my out-of-control spending that I thought was making me happy.
Does this mean I’ve stopped having fun or doing all distracting things? Gosh no. I’m still a human on planet earth. I love chocolate, time with friends, and buying new pens and planners. 📔🖊️
✅ But, I’m no longer primarily motivated by pain avoidance. That’s the difference.
When you change your relationship with your suffering (your loneliness) it no longer controls you or runs your life.
You get back in the driver seat; your life and relationships begin to flourish in a whole new way.
You get freedom. 🌟
Friend, what hamster wheel are you on?
What are you repeatedly chasing after that never leaves you feeling really satisfied? What’s creating a wedge in your relationships? What are you pursuing that only brings short-term relief?
I want to know what you're chasing after that never leaves you satisfied.
More importantly, I want to know: what do you really want?
Let’s work together to create the meaningful peace, purpose, and connection you want and deserve.
Book a free support session today to get started. I’d love to connect with you.
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Sherri M. Herman, MA, LPCC is a spiritual life coach, speaker, and psychotherapist who is known for being a compassionate guide has been helping others achieve their goals since 2010. Having been twice divorced herself, she loves helping women overcome the challenges and loneliness of divorce while balancing the needs of self-love, parenting, and life. She lives near Minneapolis, MN with her husband, son (aged 12 at the time of this publishing), dog (Spirit), cat (Daisy), and axolotl (Mochi). She loves movie and game nights with her family, hosting potlucks and bonfires, working out at the gym, and going camping with family-friends. << Click Here to Get Your Free Mini-Journaling Course >>
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