How to Deal with Loneliness

Before the pandemic, I filled nearly all of my free time with social activity. Between seeing 5-8 clients a day and caring for my son as a single mom, I made sure that my free time was anything but free. Whether it was leading my meetup group, attending my meditation center, or just getting together with friends, my schedule was packed. Can you guess why? 

I was lonely as hell, but I had no idea. No matter how many social activities I had planned, sometimes three separate events in a single day, it was never enough to fill me up. I always needed more, I needed to make sure the calendar was full, and I would feel so mad or hurt if something was canceled. So when the pandemic hit and my social calendar came to a screeching halt, I crashed and burned. 

Here’s the thing: as a social mammal, you really do need relationships to survive and thrive. You need relationships like you need oxygen. Mother nature has so skillfully designed you to experience a particular cue for when you need connection. You can think of this cue as like a hunger cue. And that cue is the feeling of loneliness. Loneliness is your hunger cue for connection. 

But here’s the thing: if you solely focus on getting your need for connection met from other people, you’re never going to feel satisfied and fulfilled. You will always need more. In fact, you can really end up straining or hurting your relationships because you can become overly dependent on them or wear them out. The truth is, you need a balance of healthy connection with yourself and with others. 

If you struggle with loneliness, whether you’re surrounded by people or not, one thing that needs to happen is the development of a loving and fulfilling connection with yourself. This means being aware of what you’re thinking or feeling and responding to yourself with kindness. It means becoming your own kind and supportive best friend. It also means connecting with your loving Higher Power who is always there for you, no matter what. 

When you get really good at cultivating a loving and meaningful connection with yourself, I can just about guarantee that you will not only crave your alone time but you will also experience more joy when you’re with others. There is a reason that ancient spiritual traditions involve social and solitude elements. We need both.

To effectively deal with loneliness, you really need to balance connection with others with meaningful connection with yourself. And if you haven’t already noticed, I’m here to help you cultivate that connection with yourself. Becoming your own best friend and loving partner is the most secure relationship you can ever have and will surely reduce your feelings of loneliness and amplify feelings of peace.

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you are always loved no matter what.