You might think happiness will come once life finally clicks into place, but what if it’s possible to feel fulfilled even before anything changes? Why do I feel unfulfilled even though I’m doing everything right? You’re working hard, showing up, doing what you’re supposed to do, but deep down, it still feels like something’s missing. You might look around and think, Shouldn’t I be happier by now? If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people feel like they’re going through the motions, checking all the boxes of a “good life,” but still feel disconnected inside. It’s not because you’re doing something wrong, it’s because happiness doesn’t grow out of perfection, people-pleasing, or productivity. It grows out of meaning, connection, and alignment. When life feels flat or uninspiring, it’s often a sign that you’ve become disconnected from yourself, what matters most to you, and the path towards what feels meaningful. What actually brings a sense of fulfillment? Fulfillment doesn’t come from what you achieve, it comes from what you nurture. Studies in psychology and neuroscience consistently show that happiness grows when you feel connected: to yourself, to others, and to something bigger than you. Think about the last time you felt truly alive. It probably wasn’t because you checked something off your to-do list. It was because, in that moment, you were present, you were engaged, connected, or moved by something deeply meaningful and important to you. Real happiness begins when you stop asking, “What should I be doing?”  or "What will they think?" and start asking, “What matters most to me?” How do I find what really matters? Start by noticing what feels nourishing instead of draining. Ask yourself: When do I feel most like myself? What activities make me lose track of time (in a good way)? What values feel most important to me right now: peace, honesty, creativity, love, freedom, purpose? You don’t have to overhaul your life to feel fulfilled. You just have to start making small decisions that reflect what you value. Maybe that’s reaching out to a friend instead of scrolling, or taking a walk instead of pushing through one more task. Fulfillment grows from moments of alignment, not from achievement. What if I don’t even know what I want anymore? When you’ve spent years taking care of others or trying to meet expectations, it’s easy to lose touch with what you  want. Feeling numb or directionless is often your body’s way of saying, “I need your attention.” Instead of demanding an instant answer, start with curiosity. Happiness doesn’t appear when you have all the answers, it starts when you begin listening. Why is it so hard to feel good about myself when I’m not where I want to be? Many of us have been conditioned to believe that our worth depends on our success. That mindset keeps you trapped in an endless cycle of comparison and inadequacy. But here’s the truth: your value doesn’t increase with your accomplishments. It’s constant. You don’t have to earn your right to feel good about yourself—you just have to reconnect to the parts of you that already hold goodness. Instead of judging yourself for not being “further ahead,” try offering yourself compassion. Ask, What would it look like to be on my own side today? What if my life still doesn’t look the way I hoped it would? You can make peace with your life and still want more. That’s the balance. The key is learning to hold both, contentment and aspiration, without letting one cancel out the other. You don’t have to be happy about everything to live a meaningful life. You just have to stay open to meaning in  everything. Sometimes that meaning shows up as growth, sometimes as connection, sometimes as stillness. Fulfillment isn’t found at the end of the road. It’s created in how you walk it—how you relate to yourself, how you love, how you learn, and how you care for the life you already have. How can I start feeling happier right now? If you’ve been trying harder and still feel stuck, maybe it’s not about doing more at all. Real happiness often starts when you pause, get honest about what’s draining you, and give yourself permission to stop the constant effort to “fix” everything. You already have what you need inside you. The key is clearing what’s blocking your energy and focus so your natural peace and purpose can return. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Last Saturday night, I stood beneath a crisp Minnesota sky, eyes scanning the darkness for something truly rare: a planetary alignment that won’t happen again for another 15 years. If the horizon were perfectly clear, we could have seen seven planets in the evening sky. Did we see all seven? Not quite.  But even catching just a few, along with the crescent moon, was a breathtaking site through a magnified lens. At Staring Lake Observatory  in Eden Prairie, our astronomy guide spoke about the orbits of planets, the precise way they move through space, and the intricate patterns  woven throughout our universe. As I listened, I couldn’t help but notice the deeper truth in what he was saying: Nature loves on patterns. From the gravitational pull keeping planets in motion to the way seasons cycle through renewal and decay, patterns are everywhere. And not just in the cosmos—in our lives, too. Some patterns serve us. Others? Not so much. Recognizing the Patterns We Live By It made me think about the patterns I unconsciously follow. The habits I don’t question, the automatic ways I respond to stress, boredom, or discomfort. Some of them are good. Some of them are comfortable. And some of them keep me disconnected and make me feel lonely. We all have these patterns, whether we realize it or not. Some were formed in childhood. Some were survival strategies. Some just built up over time, slipping into our daily routines unnoticed, like toxic chemicals. And here’s the thing about some of our long-held patterns: they don’t want to be changed. They will fight to survive. That’s why Lent—or any season of intentional letting go—can be so powerful. It asks us to pause and consider: What am I doing on autopilot that might not be serving me? What have I been clinging to that’s actually keeping me stuck? What am I using to distract myself from deeper discomfort? Lent isn’t just about giving something up—it’s about connecting with what matters most. It’s about getting closer to your Higher Guidance and hearing the whispers of your soul and heart. The distractions we remove aren’t just things taking up space—they’re the noise that drowns out the deeper wisdom within us. The Power of Breaking Patterns For the next several weeks, I’m embracing a Season of Renewal, focusing on breaking patterns that keep me from being fully present and, more importantly, leaning into what truly matters. This includes: A modified fast, adjusting my diet in a way that helps me feel more mindful and intentional A digital detox, stepping back from distractions that pull me away from real connection (internally and externally) Not as an obligation. Not because I "should." But because I want to see what happens when I remove the noise. What will I notice? What will rise to the surface? What parts of me have been buried beneath habit and distraction? I don’t expect it to be easy. In fact, I expect there will be moments where I reach for my phone or crave something comforting. But I also know that resisting the pull of old patterns is how we reclaim our awareness. What About You? You don’t have to do a full fast. You don’t even have to call it Lent. But if something in you is nudging, saying, “Maybe it’s time to shake things up,” listen to that voice. What’s one thing you could remove from your life, even temporarily for just 40 days, to see what it reveals? It could be: The habit of constantly checking your phone The extra cup of coffee you’ve been relying on for energy The nightly Netflix binge that numbs instead of relaxes The self-critical thoughts you allow to run on repeat The way you say yes when you really mean no The goal isn’t deprivation. The goal is awareness . Patterns, like planetary orbits, will keep repeating unless something shifts. Maybe this season is an invitation to create that shift. To make space. To step into something new. What’s one pattern you’ve noticed in your own life that you’d like to release, or one you’d like to cultivate? About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Have you ever caught yourself in an unhelpful pattern but just don't know how to break it? Truly, most of us don’t even notice we’re doing it. We just feel the urge, act on it, and move on until that urge comes again. Usually it isn't until after several painful run-ins that we finally stop to think, "What is going on here?" That’s why fasting, whether from certain foods, technology, or other ingrained habits, can be such a powerful spiritual and self-awareness practice . It’s not just about deprivation and sacrifice. It’s about breaking the pattern  long enough to actually notice what’s underneath. Because here’s the truth: Most of the time, those urges aren’t random. They’re rising up from something deeper within you that's begging for your attention. And when we pause instead of automatically reacting, we give ourselves the chance to see what’s really going on. Why Fasting (From Anything) Works Fasting isn’t just about giving something up —it’s about creating space  to notice what’s been there all along. Whether it’s food, social media, caffeine, or even negative self-talk, the real power isn’t in the thing you’re removing. The power is in the pause —that moment where you normally would have reached for your phone or grabbed a snack, but instead, you stop . That pause? That’s where connection happens. That's intimacy. It’s where you meet yourself. It’s where you hear the emotions that have been trying to get your attention. It's where you hear the voice of intuition (or God or the Universe) that's been speaking to you all along. It’s where you notice how often you distract yourself instead of truly listening to what you need. How to Start—Without Overcomplicating It You don’t have to do anything extreme to experience the benefits of fasting. The best way to start is by choosing one small pattern to disrupt —just enough to notice the shift. Here are a few easy ways to begin: 1. Start With Awareness Before changing anything, spend one day simply noticing  your patterns. When do you instinctively grab your phone? When do you snack even if you’re not hungry? When do you check email for no real reason? Just watch. No judgment. Just awareness. 2. Pick One Small Disruption Instead of trying to overhaul your entire routine, pick one habit  to shift: Social Media Detox:  No phone for the first 30 minutes of the day. Mindful Eating:  No snacks between meals—when the urge comes, pause and notice. Screen-Free Nights:  No screens after 8 p.m. (or set your own boundary). It doesn’t have to be dramatic. The goal is not perfection— it’s presence. 3. When the Urge Hits, Pause This is the most important part. When you feel the pull to reach for your usual habit—don’t. Pause. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What do I actually need? What’s underneath this urge? You don’t have to force an answer. Just sit with it. The insight comes with time. 4. Don’t Replace One Addiction With Another This is a sneaky one and is the number one mistake most people make. We often fast from something, only to replace it with another distraction. Giving up cookies but eating extra pasta. Cutting down on phone time but binging TV instead. Reducing social media but checking email every five minutes. That’s just trading one unconscious habit for another . Instead, let the space remain empty for a moment.  Let yourself feel what comes up. 5. Meet Yourself With Compassion This isn’t about willpower or deprivation. It’s about gentle awareness. When (not if) you slip, don’t punish yourself. Just notice. Learn from it. Approach yourself with curiosity, not criticism. Stay connected with the urge and be curious about the underlying need while you're doing the thing. Stay connected. The goal isn’t to “get it right.” The goal is to see yourself more clearly and reconnect with what truly matters. Fasting, whether from food, technology, or other habits, should be done with self-awareness and care . If you have a history of disordered eating, anxiety, or any mental health condition that could make fasting harmful, consider modifying the practice  to fit your well-being. The goal isn’t deprivation or self-punishment—it’s awareness and connection.  Always prioritize your mental and physical health in any practice of letting go. What You Gain When You Break the Pattern Every time you pause instead of reacting, you’re literally rewiring your brain. You’re breaking the automatic loop. You’re creating space for new neural connections. You’re learning how to sit with discomfort instead of numbing it. You’re getting closer to yourself, your emotions, and your higher guidance. That’s why fasting, from anything , can be a spiritual practice. Fasting isn't just about giving something up. It’s about returning to yourself . And that kind of awareness? That kind of connection? That changes everything. What’s one small pattern you could disrupt this week? Try it, see what happens, and let me know how it goes! About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Have you ever said yes when every part of you wanted to say no? Have you ever stayed quiet to keep the peace, even though your heart was screaming? Have you ever bent over backward for someone—only to feel invisible, exhausted, or even resentful afterward? You’re not alone. I used to live there. People-pleasing was my default. I said yes to everyone, tried to meet everyone’s needs, and avoided conflict like it was fire. I was terrified of disappointing people. The idea that someone might be upset with me felt unbearable. And for a long time, I told myself I was just being “kind,” “thoughtful,” or “nice.” But the truth? I was terrified of what would happen if I didn’t make everyone around me feel okay. Where People-Pleasing Really Begins None of us become people-pleasers by accident. It’s not a character flaw or a quirky trait, it’s often a survival strategy learned early in life. Research in developmental psychology tells us that children adapt to their caregivers’ emotional availability (or lack thereof) in order to feel safe and secure. If a parent or caregiver was emotionally unpredictable, reactive, or unable to regulate their feelings, we may have learned: If I keep them calm, I’ll be safe. If I keep them happy, I’ll be okay. This pattern, known in attachment theory as anxious attachment , wires us to focus on others’ needs as a way to feel stable in the world. We become hyper-attuned to others’ moods and discomfort—often at the cost of our own. We begin managing their  emotions, and over time, we lose touch with our own and become disconnected from ourselves. The Cost of Chronic People-Pleasing While people-pleasing can make relationships seem smoother on the surface, it comes at a steep internal cost. Resentment builds. Burnout creeps in. Authenticity disappears. Loneliness grows. Yes— loneliness.  Because the more we abandon ourselves to make others comfortable, the more disconnected we feel from our own needs, feelings, and values. We show up in relationships, but we’re not fully in  them. We’re performing, managing, accommodating. That’s not connection. That’s survival. And eventually, our body will tell us. Stress-related health issues, anxiety, sleep disruption, digestive problems, or chronic fatigue can all be tied to the ongoing pressure of suppressing our truth. (The research connecting repressed emotions with health outcomes is growing—see Dr. Gabor Maté’s work on the mind-body connection.) So what do we do? The Game-Changer: Four Small Words One phrase changed everything for me: “I’m not willing to.” It sounds simple, but it’s revolutionary. It signals a shift from self-abandonment to self-respect. Instead of saying yes because you’re afraid to say no, you say: “I’m not willing to.” Instead of cushioning your truth with over-explaining or apologizing, you say: “I’m not willing to.” Instead of making someone else’s comfort your responsibility, you say: “I’m not willing to.” Why does this phrase matter so much? Because it centers your agency , not your excuses.It affirms your limits , without blaming others.It reinforces that your well-being matters , just as much as anyone else’s. Why It Works (Psychologically Speaking) This shift lines up with what Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches us: the importance of values-based living. In ACT, we learn to acknowledge uncomfortable emotions without letting them steer the ship. We act from what we care about, not from what we’re afraid of. Saying “I’m not willing to” is an act of inner-connection . You are listening to your own feelings. You are identifying your boundary. You are taking responsibility for your life. And you are trusting that others can handle their reactions. It’s not always easy. I still catch myself backsliding. But over time, saying these words, especially in small, low-stakes moments, has helped me build a relationship with myself that feels more authentic. Start Small. Start Now. Here’s your gentle challenge:Pick one small thing this week that you aren’t willing to do —and say so. It might be as simple as: “I’m not willing to take that on right now.” “I’m not willing to stay late today.” “I’m not willing to skip lunch again.” Notice how it feels. It may be uncomfortable at first. That’s okay. Growth usually is. But also notice what opens up inside you when you speak from that place of truth. You might feel lighter. Stronger. A little more like you . That’s connection. And it starts from within. I’m cheering you on. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Do you ever get tired of over-thinking and the tension it creates? Or have you experienced other people getting down on you for over-thinking or over-analyzing? Let's be honest. People usually mean well when they try to tell you, "don't over think it!" but that command rarely helps anyone. If it were just that easy, you wouldn't be searching up 'how to manage anxiety'! That's because most people don't really understand anxiety. I'm here to tell you why I don't really believe in over-thinking and how you can respond to your anxiety in a more helpful way that actually leads to improvement, not just more shame about it. Let's reframe what anxiety really is. Here’s the truth about anxiety: It’s not bad.  If you experience anxiety, you're not broken. It’s your mind and body trying to help you. Anxiety is a natural, adaptive response. It’s your brain looking ahead and scanning for danger—trying to keep you safe.  But in today’s world with endless news cycles, pinging devices, and simply too much information—the mind and nervous system gets overloaded. And when your mind gets bombarded with lots of seemingly threatening, confusing, or overwhelming messages, the body starts sending out more alarms than necessary. Especially if there's past trauma.  The body and mind are simply responding to the environmental cues to try and prevent future pain. Anxiety is unspoken fear. It’s un-named fear. It’s your imagination doing its job: looking ahead, picturing what could go wrong, and trying to prepare you for it. This part of your mind is actually brilliant and what makes you uniquely human. But it gets a little overzealous sometimes. If you’ve ever been through something scary, unpredictable, or overwhelming, like a parent yelling, the loss of a job or home, not making rent, a sudden loss of a loved one, a car accident, or growing up in a household where you never quite knew what version of someone you were going to get, then of course your mind would scan for danger now.  There would be something wrong if it didn’t. Anxiety isn't something to pathologize (don't get me started on diagnoses...) Anxiety is something to understand .  The mind adapts. It learns from lived experience, imagined threats, even what you’ve watched in a movie or on the news. Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between what's real, what's imagined, and what's on the screen.  If an experience felt threatening, your body logged it as real. Let that sink in for a moment. And sometimes, your brain reacts to things like social rejection the same way it would to physical danger (because humans are social mammals and we need supportive relationships to survive and thrive). That’s why social anxiety can feel so big and paralyzing; it's why anxiety can lead to depression, isolation, loneliness, and even suicidal thoughts. Especially when people don’t feel safe or seen. Here’s what I want you to really know: Anxiety doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It means your mind adapted to perceived threats. And perhaps those threats are no longer relevant or present (or maybe they are!). When you understand what it’s doing, you can stop fighting it (or blaming or shaming yourself), and start responding to it in a more helpful way.  Click to download this image for your phone or tablet wallpaper! Here are a few ways to respond to anxiety with care: Name the fear—put it into words Check the facts (is this actually happening?) Respond to yourself with acceptance and nurturing care. Take action to mitigate an actual threat Go for a 5-10 min walk Long-term: Minimize consumption of processed foods and substances Reach out for support if you need help managing anxiety. You’re not weak for feeling anxious. You’re human. And your system is amazingly wise and adaptive. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Have you ever walked into a space—your church, workplace, or even your own home—and felt like no one really sees you? You smile, you engage, you show up. But still, something inside feels disconnected. Like you’re doing all the right things… and yet, when you leave there’s still this ache or longing. You didn't really get filled up.  Sometimes the loneliness we feel isn’t about a lack of people—it’s about a lack of deeper connection. With ourselves. With others. With something greater. Spiritual practice can happen anywhere—but that doesn’t mean we don’t need support. Lately, I’ve felt a pull to strengthen and reinforce my Zen Buddhist practice. Not because anything is “wrong,” but because I’m ready to deepen. I want spiritual guidance that stretches me, grounds me, and strengthens my practice so I can become a little less reliant on the uncontrollable circumstances of life.  I’m grateful for my church community and all the places in my life where spiritual conversations happen—but I also know I need more. Spiritual practice isn’t limited to a cushion or a sanctuary. Your grocery store can be a sacred space. So can your car. So can waiting in line at the DMV (especially while waiting in line at the DMV!). Spiritual practice is available to us in every moment. It’s that quiet pause in the car before school pickup.It ’s the breath you take before snapping at your kids or your partner. It ’s the decision to speak compassionately to yourself when everything feels like too much. It's the choice to seek to understand someone who thinks very differently from you.  Every moment is a Dharma gate. A chance to return to presence instead of adding to the chaos. But we still need each other. Yes, we can practice anywhere. But that doesn’t mean we’re meant to practice alone. We need spaces where we feel safe enough to grow. We need people who care about us and who listen.  We need to be supported—not just spiritually, but emotionally, relationally, and practically. Because when no one sees the weight you’re carrying, it gets heavier. And the longer you carry it alone, the harder it gets to even ask for help. You simply adapt and find a sort of comfort in the familiarity of suffering.  It doesn't need to be that way.  Loneliness and anxiety go hand in hand. When we feel disconnected for too long, our bodies go into overdrive. The nervous system stays on alert. Sleep gets harder. The mind starts spinning. We shut down. And even though we long for connection, we start believing we don’t have time for it. Or that we don't deserve it... that it won’t help... that we’re too far gone... that nobody really cares.  Loneliness fuels anxiety, and anxiety will keep you lonely.  Click to download this image for your phone or tablet wallpaper! Take a breath and ask yourself: Where do I feel spiritually grounded right now? Where might I need more support, structure, or guidance? You don’t have to do this alone. There is a way to reconnect with yourself—and others. There is a way to move through the loneliness and anxiety toward calm and peace. And maybe, for now, the only thing you need to do… is notice that. Notice what’s calling you back to yourself. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Have you ever held back what you wanted to say because you felt unqualified, too insignificant, or like your voice didn’t matter? Many times, I’m unsure if what I have to say is worth saying at all. After all, so many other people in the world are saying so many things! There’s a cacophony of noise out there—and I often struggle to see where I fit in. Millions of people seem so much smarter and more educated than I am. They possess wisdom that feels out of reach. My mind wonders why my voice matters at all. Do you ever wonder that too? Do you think, “Who am I to say anything? It doesn’t really matter!”? It’s a delusion to think that any one voice is more valuable than another. It’s a lie to believe that someone with more education and credentials is more important. It’s a lie that your voice doesn’t matter. Somewhere along the way, someone conditioned your mind with that lie, and you started to believe it. It ’s false to think that simply because someone is speaking up, their voice is more worthy of being heard than any other. Their voice isn’t more worthy or important—it’s just being vocalized. The truth is, your voice matters because you matter just as much as anyone else, even if our modern, capitalist, and class-based society would lead you to believe otherwise. Your voice matters just as much as anyone else’s—and that goes for everyone else's too. But your voice won’t truly matter to anyone if it doesn’t matter to you first. Do you speak up about your feelings and opinions? Do you voice your disagreements? Do you assert yourself when someone violates your boundaries? Some people are fortunate to have companions who truly understand them. However, even then, no one can read your mind. Maybe if you’ve had a highly attuned companion for 30 years—but even then—mind reading isn’t a thing. They’re simply making educated guesses based on past experiences. Nobody can read your mind (thank goodness!!). It’s a mistake to think that people should just know what you mean, what you want or need, your opinion, or just know your intentions. Honestly, many people don’t even know themselves in this way, yet they still expect others to know. My friend, if you want to be known, you need to use your voice. First, with yourself, and then with others. If you want people to deeply know you, you need to be willing to deeply know yourself and be willing to deeply see and know others. This all probably seems obvious on paper (or screen), right? It looks so clear when you read it. But I’m telling you—many people really struggle with this. And I have no doubt that you do too, to some extent. What are you holding back? What’s the thing you’re not saying? Who in your life are you hiding from? What are you screaming on the inside but not saying on the outside? And who do you need to say it to? Is it yourself? Your partner? A parent, friend, boss, or employee? It’s not worth staying silent. It eats away at you. It keeps you feeling small. Staying silent makes you feel lonely, anxious, and depressed. When you stay silent, you’re essentially putting tape over your mouth and isolating yourself. You’re pushing yourself down. And that makes me wonder—who has previously pushed down your voice? Who made you feel small, insignificant, belittled, or even stupid just for speaking up? Who needed to have power over you so they could feel powerful? Who tried to control you to feel in control? Who made you feel bad and stupid because they might have felt threatened by you? It’s not enough to say your voice matters. You need to live as if it matters. You need to live as if all voices matter. It’s not as easy as it seems when you’ve spent years being ignored or suppressing yourself. But you can start small. You already do it in so many ways. So keep going. Start with the thing that’s been eating at you and niggling in the back of your mind. Let go of the judgments (or rather, let them be there but keep them in the background). Don't wait to speak up until there are no more judgments or criticisms coming from the inside—you’d be waiting forever. Click to download this image for your phone or tablet wallpaper! So, I ask you again— What is it that you’ve been shoving down and that you really need to say? Who do you need to say it to? If it helps, you can start by telling me. I’ll keep it confidential, I promise (I’m a therapist, remember—a human vault). Sometimes, sharing with just one other person or even a journal can help pave the way. You realize you’re okay, you’re still here, and the sky didn’t fall. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Mindfulness Without Meditation? Yes, You Can! Ellen Langer is a Harvard psychologist who has dedicated over 50 years to studying mindfulness. I’ve been absolutely loving her latest book, The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health . What’s fascinating is that her approach doesn’t involve meditation at all. This is quite different from my own 10 years of Zen Buddhist training! She teaches that you can be more mindful without a formal practice of meditation or yoga. It simply takes intention. Her approach focuses on moment-to-moment awareness—being present, curious, and questioning your assumptions as you navigate daily life. The Power of Mind-Body Unity One of the core ideas she teaches is “mind-body unity.” Not mind-body connection— unity . She doesn’t see the mind and body as two separate systems influencing each other. They are one. This truth can be found in many spiritual traditions worldwide. It became clear to me when I began my mindfulness practices many years ago. What affects the mind affects the body because there is no real separation. This is why the mind plays such a powerful role in shaping our health, function, and overall experience of life. It’s not just about positive thinking; it’s a physiological reality. Events Are Neutral—Interpretation Is Everything Another key point in her work is that events themselves are inherently neutral. They are neither good nor bad. It’s our interpretation, values, and conditioning that give an event its meaning. This means how we think about something—how we perceive it—determines how we feel about it. And guess what? That perception is always available to be re-examined. Ellen encourages us to challenge our initial responses. You can change how you feel by changing how you think. It’s not about pretending something didn’t happen; it’s about seeing it differently—with more possibility, nuance, and agency. This is ultimately empowering and can free you from feeling stuck. Challenging Assumptions, Changing Outcomes Ellen Langer loves to ask, “Is that really true?” She thrives on challenging commonly held assumptions. The research has revealed so many surprising truths. I find this challenging because I can be a bit of a know-it-all! But her perspective invites my growth. Some of her research includes setting back clocks to explore our perception of time. She places people in environments that reflect a younger time in their lives. The seemingly miraculous effects on them—both physically and mentally—are astounding. “Turning back the clock in the body” is her phrase, and it’s a powerful one. The Mind as a Healing Tool There’s so much research she explores in the book—it’s fascinating and even somewhat entertaining. I’ve long believed we should utilize the placebo effect more often. It’s safe, accessible, and truly demonstrates the power of the mind to heal. Ellen Langer would likely agree. The question is always how to do it ethically. Let Your Mind Work for You Your mind is more powerful at shaping your reality and your health than you might imagine. Ellen Langer’s book will reveal why. I couldn’t help but share this resource with many of my clients as I’ve been reading it. It’s so relevant to therapy work. I wanted to share it with you too. I hope you pick it up and discover how you can think your way to chronic health. 👉 Click here to check out the book . If you give it a read, I’d love to hear what stands out to you. Mindfulness in Everyday Life Mindfulness isn’t just for meditation. You can practice it in your daily life. Whether you’re washing dishes, walking, or even waiting in line, you can bring awareness to the moment. Notice the sensations, sounds, and feelings around you. This practice can help ground you and reduce anxiety. The Importance of Being Present Being present is a gift you give to yourself. It allows you to experience life fully. When you’re present, you can appreciate the little things that often go unnoticed. The warmth of the sun, the sound of laughter, or even the taste of your favorite food can become more vivid and enjoyable. Embracing Imperfection Let’s be real for a moment. Life isn’t perfect, and that’s okay! Embracing imperfection can be liberating. It allows you to let go of the pressure to be flawless. Instead, focus on progress, not perfection. Celebrate your small wins and learn from your setbacks. Building Genuine Connections Mindfulness can also enhance your relationships. When you’re present with others, you create deeper connections. You listen more intently and respond with empathy. This can lead to more meaningful interactions and a greater sense of belonging. Daily Mindfulness Practices Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine doesn’t have to be complicated. Here are a few simple practices to get you started: Mindful Breathing : Take a few moments each day to focus on your breath. Inhale deeply, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly. This can help center you. Gratitude Journaling : Write down three things you’re grateful for each day. This practice shifts your focus to the positive aspects of your life. Mindful Walking : When you walk, pay attention to each step. Feel the ground beneath your feet and notice your surroundings. Body Scan : Take a few minutes to mentally scan your body from head to toe. Notice any tension or discomfort and breathe into those areas. Mindful Eating : Slow down during meals. Savor each bite and appreciate the flavors and textures of your food. Final Thought Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can transform your life. You don’t need to meditate to experience its benefits. By being present and challenging your assumptions, you can reshape your reality. Ellen Langer’s insights are a valuable resource on this journey. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call the NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 available Monday through Friday, 10a - 10p, ET OR text "HelpLine" to 62640 or email NAMI at helpline@nami.org . Learn More.  You can also call or text HELP to 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org ​

Last Thursday I led a two-hour workshop for preschool teachers. It had been scheduled weeks in advance. None of us could have predicted that just one day earlier, and only a few miles away, there would be yet another school shooting — this one at Annunciation Catholic School in Minneapolis. The timing made everything feel much heavier and quite frankly, much more urgent. I know self-care can seem like a lofty ideal. It’s promoted everywhere, like cutting down on screen time — but knowing doesn’t make it any easier to follow through. You might think, “How can I do this for myself when so many people need me? Or when there are so many people in the world who are suffering? Who am I?” You might simply think, “I can’t.” I get that kind of thinking — really, I do. It actually took a cancer diagnosis in 2023 for me to finally wake up to my own need for self-care. Most helping professionals (teachers, nurses, doctors, pastors, caregivers — both paid and unpaid) don’t begin their work thinking, “Wow, my needs are really important. I should take care of myself and then care for others.” In various ways, different spiritual traditions and cultural values often send the message of “deny the self” and serve, and that that is considered the highest calling. We think we’re living a value-centered life of service life by perpetually putting the needs of others before our own. It’s a nice ideal on paper, but when it comes to health and well-being, it’s not a winning strategy. When your health begins to deteriorate because of long-term neglect, you simply can't serve others how you really want to and in a way that is sustainable. Is it selfish to want your newborn baby to thrive? I don’t think so. In fact, if your infant is tagged as “failure to thrive,” social services may be forced to step in and intervene. Why aren’t we concerned when adults “fail to thrive”? Why aren't we concerned when our most needed professionals like medical professionals and teachers are failing to thrive? You cannot stop being a human with human needs, no matter how hard you try. And after age 18, it's on you to notice and prioritize those needs. Social services won't step in unless you're a significant danger to yourself or others. Part of the problem is that our culture rewards self-sacrifice with accolades or monetary reward, exploiting and capitalizing on the psychological wounds of those who grew up in family systems where love and approval were earned through performance. How many times have you heard someone praised and rewarded for: always going above and beyond always stepping in putting in long hours always being available never getting upset outstanding commitment always putting others first never shows their pain or struggle Folks who excel at these performances were often trained to earn the love of their caregivers when they were growing up. Our culture rewards this kind of self-neglect. These accolades and rewards meet our ego needs for a while but all too often, it eventually it takes its toll on the body, showing up later in life as metabolic illness (e.g. diabetes, heart disease, dementia, etc.) or mental illness like anxiety or depression. Trying to live a selfless life is a fast track to physical and emotional illness — and often to strained or broken relationships. Living a selfless life leads to emotional isolation and loneliness, the kind research equates to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That level of loneliness breaks people down. And that’s the connection most people miss: burnout and loneliness go hand in hand. Burnout leaves you drained because you are denying your own feelings and needs. And when you’re drained, you withdraw even more which can lead to chronic loneliness. Don’t wait for a painful wake-up call like a medical scare. Your life is too precious. Get quiet and still. Listen for your inner-voice. What's it saying to you about what you desperately need? Where do you need to set a boundary or slow down? Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s how you stay connected — to yourself, your values, and the people who matter most. It’s how you support yourself to truly thrive and support your community in a way that is sustainable and mutually beneficial. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share.

You Collapse Into Bed at Night, Exhausted — But Your Mind Won’t Shut Off The next morning, you wake up drained. You pour another cup of coffee and push yourself through the day. That’s not just burnout… that’s anxiety driving the bus. When most people think about burnout, they picture endless to-do lists and complete exhaustion. And yes, that’s what it often looks like... But here’s what I’ve noticed: burnout doesn’t just come from doing too much — it’s fueled by the Anxious Mind. Sit with that for a moment. Does it ring true for you? Burnout is often described as a problem of work overload or poor work-life balance. But if it were only about hours worked, then everyone working long shifts would burn out. We know that’s not true. What really pushes people into burnout is the constant pressure of anxiety underneath the surface. The unrelenting pressure to do more, be better, earn your worth, and never, ever disappoint. The Anxious Mind is the Engine You know what I'm talking about... it's the voice that tells you: Oh, just do one more... That's not good enough... You haven't done enough... You need more... Oh, just take care of it. Suck it up, buttercup. And so you keep pushing. Instead of resting, you refresh your inbox for the third time in the last two minutes. Instead of saying no, you agree to host your niece's bridal shower on the same weekend that you're celebrating your mother's birthday, while also needing to work late for the project due on Monday. Instead of winding down, you scroll late into the night. You might find yourself on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok, or maybe you just get consumed by Wordle for hours, perhaps with a glass of wine. And then you sleep like crap. So you over-caffeinate the next morning and wash, rinse, repeat. It's not because you want to live this way, but because the Anxious Mind tricks you into believing you have to . It motivates you with fear. In other words: the anxious mind drives the behavior, and burnout is often the outcome (which can also fuel depression, but that's another blog post). Anxiety’s Three Starring Roles in Burnout Perfectionism Pressure: Anxiety makes you believe that if you do everything flawlessly, then maybe — just maybe — you’ll finally feel like you're enough. This perfectionism means you put in more hours, more effort, and more energy than necessary, which accelerates burnout. And it never brings the relief you hope for. Overcommitment Trap: Anxiety hates saying no. It convinces you that if you decline, others will be disappointed or see you as less capable. So you pile on commitments until you’re running on fumes. The fear of losing connection actually makes you more emotionally isolated and lonely. Rest Resistance: Even when you try to rest, anxiety nags at you. “You’re wasting time. You should be productive. You gotta get the ____ done!” This resistance to rest means your body-mind unit never truly gets a chance to recover, and burnout becomes inevitable. Breaking the Cycle If anxiety drives burnout, then the way out isn’t just about reducing hours worked or taking vacations (though those things help). The deeper work is about learning how to calm anxiety in the body and mind and really give yourself permission to rest . Physically and mentally. Here is one small shift you can try today: Pause to check in with your body before you say yes to the next request. Just a few slow breaths can help you check in with your true capacity before committing. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share.

You can feel empty inside even when life looks good on the outside because your inner world matters as much as your outer circumstances. What does “feeling empty inside” really mean? Feeling empty doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or failing at life. It means there’s a hollow place inside—like a room that’s been shut for too long, untouched and unlit. You go through the motions, but it all feels flat, disconnected, or strangely absent. This experience is far more common than people admit. Many carry it quietly, wondering: Why don’t I feel happy when, on paper, my life looks great? Why do I feel empty when I “should” be happy? We’ve been taught that outer success should automatically lead to inner contentment. Degrees, promotions, vacations, relationships—all great, but they can’t substitute for being connected to yourself. Often, emptiness comes when: You’ve been chasing others' expectations instead of your own aspirations. You’ve been living in survival roles—overachiever, fixer, caretaker, peacekeeper. You’ve silenced your feelings just to keep going and make others happy. On the outside, life looks fine. On the inside, something essential has gone missing. What hidden needs might be going unmet? Feeling empty doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It’s a signal from your inner self—a part of you that’s trying to get your attention. Some of the needs most often hiding underneath are: Belonging:  Not just being around people, but feeling truly seen and accepted—especially within yourself. Self-expression:  Having space to share your truth, your creativity, your voice. Rest:  Permission to stop striving and breathe. Authenticity:  Living in alignment with your own values, not someone else’s script. How do I start filling the emptiness? The emptiness isn’t permanent. It’s an invitation. Here are some ways to respond: Slow down and notice.  Journaling or sitting in quiet can help you ask: Where do I feel most alive? Reconnect with your body.  Gentle movement, mindful breathing, even placing your hand over your heart can open that closed door inside. Name your feelings.  Sometimes emptiness masks sadness, anger, or loneliness. Naming them can bring clarity. Practice self-compassion.  Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend: with kindness, not judgment. Seek meaning.  Time in nature, spiritual practices, or serving others often rekindles a sense of purpose. When should I seek support? If emptiness lingers, deepens, or begins to cloud your ability to function, it’s worth seeking help. Therapy, community, or trusted friends can hold space until you can hold it for yourself. Final thought: Feeling empty doesn't mean that something’s wrong with you. It’s your inner self raising its hand, asking for more care, more connection, more attention. Listening to that signal can lead you back to a steadier, more authentic life. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share.

To stop feeling anxious all the time, you need to learn how to calm both your body and your mind. Why am I so anxious all the time? Anxiety doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. It’s your nervous system doing its job—trying to keep you safe. But sometimes that alarm stays on, even when there’s no fire. Chronic anxiety often grows out of two things: past experiences that left your system on high alert, and current stressors that keep pushing your limits. The result is a body that never fully relaxes. What triggers everyday anxiety? Anxiety shows up in many ways. Some of the most common triggers include: Uncertainty:  Not knowing what’s coming next. Perfectionism:  The constant pressure to “get it right.” Overload:  Too much noise, stimulation, and responsibility. Unfelt emotions:  Feelings pushed aside instead of expressed. Naming your triggers is the first step to loosening their grip. What quick techniques calm anxiety in the moment? When anxiety spikes, you don’t need theory—you need tools: Box breathing:  Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4. Grounding practice:  Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste. Tense and release:  Squeeze your fists, then let go. Try this with other muscle groups in the body. The body learns safety through release. Go outside for a walk and focus on your surroundings. Hold an ice cube for a few moments. How do I reduce anxiety long-term? Quick fixes help in the moment. Long-term steadiness comes from habits that regulate your nervous system: Sleep:  Rest is not optional; it’s medicine. Aim for 7-8 hours per night. Movement:  Walking, running, or yoga shifts anxious energy out of your body. Food:  Less caffeine and alcohol, more balanced meals. Mindfulness:  Even 5 minutes of stillness trains your brain to settle. Self-talk:  Replace “What’s wrong with me?” with “It makes sense I feel this way.” When should I get professional help for anxiety? If anxiety hijacks your daily life—making it hard to sleep, connect, or function—it may be time to seek professional support. Therapy can help untangle the patterns; sometimes medication gives your nervous system the reset it needs. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness. It’s choosing a steadier way forward. Final thought: Anxiety doesn’t have to control your life. With calming tools, supportive habits, and help when you need it, you can find a sense of steadiness even in an unsteady world. About Minneapolis based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minneapolis, Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients in person in South Minneapolis and virtually across Minnesota. Learn more. Ready to take the next step? If something here landed for you, I'd love to connect. Schedule a free 20-minute consultation  or send me a question . No commitment required, just a conversation. Subscribe to get notified when future blog posts are published or when I have a meaningful update to share.