When you grew up in an environment where connection meant danger, your nervous system learned to associate other people with threat. Maybe reaching out for comfort got you dismissed. Or criticized. Or hurt. Maybe the adults in your life were unpredictable, so you learned it was safer to handle things alone.

Burnout is often described as a problem of work overload or poor work-life balance. But if it were only about hours worked, then everyone working long shifts would burn out. We know that’s not true.

Trying to live a selfless life is a fast track to physical and emotional illness — and often to strained or broken relationships. Living a selfless life leads to emotional isolation and loneliness, the kind research equates to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That level of loneliness breaks people down.