The High Cost of Chasing More | From a Burnout Therapist in Minnesota
- Sherri M. Herman
- Mar 19
- 5 min read
I recently turned down an opportunity to build my career and thought leadership. Nothing about this decision was easy. I deliberated for several weeks, then months.
While I was thrilled when the opportunity came in last fall, something in me simply didn't feel all in. And as time went on, life began stacking obstacles that made it harder and harder to follow through. The opportunity was becoming a liability. It was clearly no longer worth the cost. Enough was enough, and last week I made the call.
But a voice inside said things like: "It would be so good for your career. It would be so good for your resume. This could really build your reputation. Backing away could really hurt you. You might not get another shot like this."
Through reflection and journaling, I came to see that voice for what it was. It was a part of me that was seeking status. A vulnerable part that has long feared being insignificant and unlovable unless I'm performing, succeeding, reaching higher heights. A part of me that has bought into the relentless pursuit of more... more status, more prestige, more money.
A relentless pursuit of more, because something inside just never feels like quite enough.
Can you relate?
Where does the "never enough" story come from?
I know this 'never enough' story well — it's one of the most common things I hear as a burnout therapist in Minnesota. Yes, it's influenced by our childhood — but we can't pin it all there. It's multifaceted and shaped by the overt and covert values and messaging instilled by our family of origin, and by our schools, our media, our worship communities, our social circles, and our culture at large. And this goes back for centuries. Centuries! Status seeking and "never enough" is woven into the human condition.
There are so many podcasts that I love. But to be quite honest, many of those same podcasts are absolutely obsessed with status. And it comes through in their content and the types of guests they host.
The American Dream has "do more, make more, be more" baked right into it. But it's not just the American Dream we have to blame. It's human nature in general. We do it by default... without even thinking about it. Sometimes more, sometimes less... depending on the culture.
It's exhausting. I feel exhausted just writing about it. Aren't you exhausted reading about it?
Living Counter-culturally
Nearly 20 years ago I made a very intentional decision to pursue minimalism as a lifestyle. I was fed up with this American life. I sold most of my belongings and moved to Costa Rica with only a few bags of luggage to my name (and a few things left behind just in case — which turned out to be pretty helpful!). Shortly after I moved back I got a divorce, and soon after moved into a 450 sq ft home where my son and I lived for nearly seven years.
I've since shifted away from that stark minimalist lifestyle. And honestly, part of what I had to reckon with is that back then, my pursuit of minimalism was partially a pursuit of status in and of itself. (status seeking is pretty sneaky that way!) Within the minimalist community, it's easy to get caught up in the pursuit of the least — and it can become another status seeking strategy.
Back when I was leading a Meetup group called MN Minimalists, I often taught that minimalism (from my perspective) is a lifestyle centered on values and intentionality. It's not just about owning as little stuff as possible (though minimizing your material belongings is certainly a big part of it). It's about being able to recognize what matters most to you — and when enough is enough.
Trying to live a life rooted in "already enough" is incredibly counter-cultural. It feels like rowing upstream without a paddle. And yet there's such a peace that comes with trusting that reality.
The cost of the hustle.
Worshiping at the altar of status — more, bigger, better — is an endless rat race that fosters discontent, burnout, overwhelm, comparison, greed, and insecurity. All the things that basically make you unhappy. And guess what? They lead to other problems... like overspending, over-eating, people-pleasing, doom scrolling — so many behaviors that are detrimental to our health and end up costing us more money in the long run.
How many times have you said to yourself, "If I just get this one thing, then I can finally relax"? Or, "Once I finish this, then I'll be good"?
But that day never comes. The finish line never arrives. The goal is never won because the goal posts keep moving.
It's vicious cycle that needs a pattern interrupt.
'Enough' is a choice you make right now to interrupt the pattern
Enough is a conscious choice you make right now. It's a choice to face the anxiety and insecurity that secretly drive the pursuit of more. It's a choice to say, "I'm going to be with this discomfort rather than running myself ragged trying to earn or perform or achieve it away."
That's real power.
That's real freedom.
That's an inner status that no one can ever take away from you.
When we step back and stop worshiping at the altar of status, overwhelm and burnout tend to subside. We shift from being dragged through life by our fears to being driven by our values. And when we are driven by our values, we may occasionally feel tired but that fatigue is accompanied by deep meaning, purpose, connection, and fulfillment. It's a tiredness that accompanies, "job well done," rather than a frantic, "I'm never doing enough."
What are you chasing more of? What treadmill are you on right now? Whose approval are you running toward? Who are you trying to impress?
What influencers are you following (authors, businesses, podcasters, YouTubers, or otherwise) that activates the part in you that feels like you're not enough every time you're exposed to them? Who or what is activating the, "I'm falling behind, need to be more... I need to keep up!" narrative in you on a regular basis? It could be someone on TV or it could be someone in your home or in the office next to you.
The answer might come very quickly and be quite obvious. You already see it and know it in your gut.
Or you might be saying, "No, not me. I do it purely for the love of it." Okay, maybe. I'd just encourage you to get a little more curious with some non-judgmental honesty. Doing something for the love of it doesn't tend to lead to burnout, overwhelm, loneliness, or emptiness.
Give it some thought. Maybe pull out a journal or give yourself a little space for silence so you can reflect. Surprising things can come up when you simply make space for your true Self, God, or your unique connection to Higher Guidance to come through.
About Minnesota based Therapist, Sherri M Herman, MA, LPCC
Sherri is a licensed therapist in Minnesota who works with high-achieving leaders, entrepreneurs, and professionals struggling with burnout, anxiety, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. If you're the one who holds everything together for everyone else, and you're exhausted by it, you're exactly who she works with. She sees clients virtually across Minnesota. Learn more.
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This is a great read. I think this is the work that is never truly done. We constantly are evaluating when enough is enough, where are drive and goals are coming from and if they are truly aligned with our values and who we want to be. Grabbing my journal to write some more now. Thanks!