How to Find Your Voice When You Feel Like It Doesn’t Matter

Have you ever held back what you wanted to say because you felt unqualified, too insignificant, or like your voice didn’t matter?

Many times, I’m not sure that what I have to say is worth saying at all. Because so many other people in the world are saying so many things!

There is so much noise—and I often struggle to see exactly where I fit in all of it. There are millions of people that are so much smarter and more well-educated than I am. Millions that have so much more wisdom than I have. My mind wonders sometimes why my voice matters at all.

Do you ever wonder that too? Do you ever think, “Well, who am I to say anything? It doesn’t really matter!”?

It’s a delusion to think that any one voice is more valuable than another.

It’s a lie to think that someone with more education and credentials is more important. It’s a lie that your voice doesn’t matter.

And somewhere along the way, somebody either intentionally or unintentionally conditioned your mind with that lie and you started to believe it.

It’s false to think that simply because someone is speaking up, their voice is more worthy of being heard than any other. Their voice isn’t more worthy or important—it’s simply being vocalized.The truth is, your voice matters because you matter just as much as anyone else, even if our modern, capitalist, and class-based society would lead you to believe otherwise.

Your voice matters just as much as anyone else’s—and that goes for everyone's else too.

But your voice won’t really matter to anyone if it doesn’t matter to you first. That’s the thing.Do you speak up about your feelings and opinions? Do you speak up when you disagree? Do you speak up when someone violates your boundaries?

Some people are lucky enough to have people in their life that will really get them—however, even still, no one will ever be able to mind-read you. Maybe if you’ve had a highly attuned companion for 30+ years—but even then—mind reading isn’t a thing. They’re simply making calculated assumptions based on past experience.

Nobody can read your mind (thank goodness!!).

It’s a mistake to think that people should just know what you mean, what you want or need, your opinion, or to just know your intentions.

Honestly, many people don’t even know themselves in this way, yet they still expect others to know.

My friend, if you want to be known, you need to use your voice. First with yourself and then with others.

If you want people to deeply know you, you need to be willing to deeply know yourself and be willing to deeply see and know others.

This all probably seems obvious on paper (or screen), right? It seems so obvious when you read it. But I’m telling you—many people really struggle with this. And I have no doubt that you do too, to some extent.

What are you holding back? What is the thing that you’re not saying? Who is the person in your life that you’re hiding from? What are you screaming on the inside but not saying on the outside?

And who do you need to say it to? Is it yourself? Your partner? A parent, friend, boss, or employee?

It’s not worth staying silent. It eats away at you. It keeps you feeling small.

Staying silent makes you feel lonely, anxious, and depressed.

Because you’re basically putting tape over your mouth and keeping yourself isolated. You’re pushing yourself down.

And that makes me wonder—who has previously pushed down your voice? Who made you feel small, insignificant, belittled, or even stupid because you simply spoke up?

Who needed to have power over you so that they could feel powerful? Who tried to control you so that they could feel in control? Who made you feel bad and stupid because they may have been threatened by you?

It’s not enough to say your voice matters. You need to live as if it matters.

You need to live as if all voices matter. It’s not as easy as it seems when you’ve had years of experience being ignored or suppressing yourself.

But you can start small. You already do it in so many ways. So keep going.

Start with the thing that’s been eating at you and niggling in the back of your mind. Let go of the judgments (rather, let them be there but let them be in the background).

Don't wait to speak up until there are no more judgments or criticisms coming from the inside—you’d be waiting forever.

Click to download this image for your phone or tablet wallpaper!

So, I ask you again—

What is it that you’ve been shoving down and that you really need to say?

Who do you need to say it to?

If it helps, you can start by telling me. I’ll keep it confidential, I promise (I’m a therapist, remember—a human vault). Sometimes if you can share with just one other person or even a journal, that helps to pave the way.

You realize you’re okay, you’re still here, and the sky didn’t fall.

I’ll be waiting to hear from you (click here to connect).

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Disclaimer: This blog is intended for informational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or treatment. Reading this does not create a therapeutic relationship with Sherri M. Herman. If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a licensed therapist or medical provider in your area.